White House Calls for Summit on Summits New “Summit Czar” Named*

By Michael Giometti –

On Thursday, the White House called for a major overhaul of the way it conducts summits. Part of the initiative is a proposed meeting of stakeholders who will be entrusted with the task of constructing a plan to improve the operation of these meetings—a “summit” on summits, as it were.

“For far too long in this town,” the President said, “both Republicans and Democrats have conducted these meetings in an environment of partisanship and pleading of special interests. Those days are over. From now on it’s no longer “summits as usual.”

The director of the newly created White House Office of Consensus Development, or” Summit Czar”, Frances Tugwell, when asked about the new initiative, affirmed the President’s commitment to openness and inclusivity. “We are eschewing the politics of exclusion and special interest. The participants of this summit represent the breathtaking diversity of this wonderful country, from the AFL-CIO to the Sierra Club to Public Citizen.”

When asked about the improvement in the environmental impact of future summits, if any, White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs said, “Well, uh, I don’t know exactly what the carbon footprints of these meetings will be, or, uh, what exactly a carbon footprint is, but I’ll, uh, get back to you on that, uh.”

*keen political satire